Over the past few weeks, I’ve been despairing at how little women have progressed in the world despite humanity having been in existence for at least 10,000 years. In the west, we are fighting for equal pay. However, if you’ve been following a certain high profile investigation in the US, you will have realised that equal pay is still the least of our worries. The very fact that if you dare to reveal that you were sexually assaulted, you – the survivor – will be viewed with eyes of suspicion and people will refuse to believe you.
This hasn’t just happened with Ford and Kavanaugh, it’s recently happened with Ronaldo. There is evidence that he initially said that he knew the lady in question, was saying ‘No’ – but he continued with what he was doing anyway. There is the case of Johnny Depp, his ex partner emerged with photos of bruises all over her face. But people refuse to believe the woman. Again and again and again. The woman MUST be lying. She must be a gold digger. She must have an angle. Because these men are not capable of violence. These men are not capable of committing what they have been accused of.
And it’s not just men who don’t believe women. Women don’t believe women either!!! I’ve come across so many cases where women have divulged some of their experiences- and the minute their back has turned other women have said, ‘I don’t believe he did that to her, he’s never done anything like that to me!’
Well, there you go. In order for someone to be proved to be lecherous and violent and rapey – does that mean that they behave like a Bollywood villain caricature and behave like that with every female that they come across? Of course bloody not. Rape and violence isn’t about attraction – it’s about power and anger. How many times does that have to be reiterated for both men and women to get this?
Recently, there was a heartbreaking hashtag trending on Twitter. The words were ‘why I didn’t report’. The hashtag was in response to Trump’s assertion that if the allegations against Kavanaugh were true, why hadn’t Ford come forward years ago, when the alleged incident had occurred?
And then an outpouring of heart-rending stories began – men, women, children – abused, assaulted, preyed upon – but never reported their experiences. Why? Because they knew they would not be believed. Because the abuser was often an upstanding member of the family, or the community, or had been accused before and the previous victim had not been believed. Sometimes, the survivors didn’t say anything because of the possible consequences – my dad would have killed him, then he would have gone to prison. Some survivors thought it was their fault. Some survivors were too young. 4 years old at the time of their attacks – preyed upon by family members. Family are supposed to love you aren’t they? Sometimes, the attacker was the most desirable, best looking guy around – they don’t rape do they? Good looking people don’t ‘NEED’ to rape. The number of times that I’ve read that! Unbelievable.
A thread that ran through everyone’s account? The sense of shame. As if they were also partly to blame. I couldn’t hold my tears back as I read each person’s account.
The Nobel Peace Prize went to two deserving winners- both fighting against sexual violence in different parts of the world against women.
I am angry though. Sexual violence against any one doesn’t seem to be taken seriously. Men in power are only interested in protecting their own – and ensuring that the corrupt ‘boys will be boys’ club remains in power. And we stand by helplessly. Even women have voted for this to happen.
There isn’t a country in the world, there hasn’t been a period of time in the world, where it has been safe for women. However, the voice of women needs to be heard and taken seriously. It is a time for change. It is time for a revolution. And I pray for my fellow women, and men who are oppressed, not taken seriously, dismissed because they are not a part of the relevant big boys club – our time will come. Darkness will not last forever – even though this one seems to have been upon us for the last 10 millennia. We have to keep fighting, keep supporting one another and start believing survivors.
PS: The title of my blog – Kranti – means revolution in Hindi.