Despair

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt such rage, so much anger that every cell, every fibre, every tiny, miniscule part of your body feels as though it is on fire?  I don’t often feel like that.  I try not to get genuinely angry about many things.  Whilst I was teaching my class stories from Buddha once, I came across a story where Buddha was explaining to someone that holding onto anger was just like holding onto a burning piece of coal, nothing happens to anyone else, you are the one who is affected by the pain.  So, I try not to get angry, and if I do, it’s more akin to a fizzy bottle of lemonade that’s been shaken, I rant, then the anger subsides almost immediately.

Today’s anger will stay with me though.  Right now, I am not boiling over as I was earlier.  I’m not stomping around the house with horrific thoughts of revenge and vengeance.  This anger though – it’s mainly a feeling of ‘impotence’ – incredible helplessness.

I was reading an article in ‘The Guardian’, about a case in Afghanistan.  A case about a 35 year old man, who had strangled his wife to death.  Let me share with you, the bare bones of this case.

The ‘wife’ was a 9 year old girl.

Her father sold her to settle a debt of approximately £10,000 that he owed to the 35 year old man.

She was sold 2 years ago,  when she was 7 years old.

When I read this, I wanted to vomit.

How the hell is this world still operating?  Why are girls lives worth so little?  Although, marriage of girls under the age of 16 is illegal in Afghanistan, underage marriage is still commonplace and rife.

Everyday.  Every single day, I read something on Twitter, or one of the newspaper apps, that horrifies me.  I’m not desensitised to these crimes.  Children being torn from their parents arms – many, never to be reunited again.  The abuse that takes place at these detention centres.  Aid workers travelling to areas of the world in desperate need – to pay for sex with vulnerable people.  Not a single day goes past that I don’t despair at how humans behave towards each other.

One simple solution is this – I stop reading the news/newspaper apps.  I stop watching the news; interestingly, my youngest who is only 5, was watching the news with me last week and asked, ‘Mummy, is the news always about bad things?’

Honestly, it took me a while to think of a suitable reply.  I’m so used to the news only ever being about bad things, apart from a jokey, light-hearted section at the end.  Seeing the news through her fresh eyes – I understood what she meant.

Even though I’ve never watched it, I understand people’s obsession with TV shows such as ‘Love Island’.  There is so much dreariness, sadness, bloody bad news in the world, why wouldn’t people want to escape for an hour every night and watch the trials and tribulations of some singletons who have offered themselves up for the entertainment of others.

I get that.  I understand that.  That need to escape.

The problem is – so many millions of people around the world never get to escape.  They are trapped.  They are cornered.  They are imprisoned.  They have no choices.

So, what can we do?  What can anyone do?  Every single place you look, every nation has their own set of problems to deal with.  My question is also, how messed up is the circumstances you live in, for you to rack up debts of £10,000, and sell your tiny daughter, like a piece of livestock, to a murderous, raping paedophile?

The spiritualists out there would tell you not to judge, don’t get angry – you’ll only hurt yourself – but what can be done?

My anger is directed at the people in charge of the world.  Yes I’ll say it – mainly men.  It is predominantly men, who are in charge of many areas of the world, who have no value for life – money and power is all that they care about.  Money, to do what?  Power, to do what?  Corrupt.  Desecrate.  Murder.  Destroy.  Because the way I see it, no good is happening for many millions of ordinary people in the world.

Is this anger, is this rage futile?  Probably.  Hence the feeling of helplessness.  What can I do?  Blog?  A handful of people might read it, many millions won’t.  And so what?

All I can think is that eventually something has to change.  Things have got to get better.  As lame as that sounds.  Surely?  Surely these types of atrocities against children have to stop? People have to do better?

I don’t know….

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