Sometimes things happen in life that you just never want to forget. In my blog, I often write about things that have happened in my life. Normally, it’s about overcoming adversity, or giving examples of events that happened in my life that helped to shape who I have become. Most of the time, the events that were by and large, negative when they happened, and through hindsight I am able to see, how much stronger they made me as a person.
Today’s blog is going to be a celebration of the sheer joy that I have also experienced over the past few years. I don’t ever read my blogs back once I’ve written them. Once they’re written, they’re written – and I sincerely hope that when I write again, it’s not an endless regurgitation of what’s been said before. What I hope, is that in 50 years time, I might be able to read my blogs back and remind myself of events that I may have forgotten…reminisce and smile – life wasn’t always about learning tough lessons. Sometimes, being alive was just about living in the moment, enjoying the ride and appreciating everything that you have.
Before I’d met my husband, there were several things that I had never experienced before. For example, I’d never been to a music concert before; I’d never seen a stand-up comic live before; I’d never stayed in apartments overlooking the sea; I’d never been brave enough to write and think that other people would even consider reading anything that I had to say.
But then I met him, and everything changed.
I can now see that it’s not easy being with someone who is guarded, mistrustful of people’s intentions, fiercely independent, frightened of being hurt – so pushes people away. Someone who always had a protective force field around them at all times. Obviously, that was me. Not having experienced the goodness and kindness of people whilst growing up, there was no reason for me to believe that people were good and kind, now that I had become an adult. People had to prove their worth to me before my shields would be lowered.
When I first met my husband, there was an aura about him that allowed me to instantly trust him. He was what he was. Open. Not-judgemental. A good listener. Good at putting people at their ease. Genuine kindness.
It was so refreshing to meet someone like that. As we got to know each other more and more, all he ever wanted to do, was make me happy. Appreciating what I had been through earlier on in my life, he simply wanted me leave things to him, and relax. Everything was going to be alright.
For years, a bit like Gollum/Smeagal from Lord of the Rings, I struggled internally, like a yo-yo, bouncing between – I can’t rely on anyone apart from myself – people always let you down, what if you lose your identity and forget what you have achieved and how far you have come? To thinking – surely, if I rely on him a little bit, it will be ok?
Slowly, but surely, he did his best to make every small dream of mine, come true. Holidays; concerts; shows – they are the massive things. But on a daily basis, the little things that he does – the things are not grand gestures, that no one will see, but I do – that makes life easier for me…I will never forget.
I will always be grateful – is that the right word – I’m not sure…but I will use for now. I will always be grateful that he took the time and had the patience, for my shields to be lowered. It was easy to love him. He was happy, and joyful and saw what was good in life. I’m not sure that I was always easy to be with. Together though, we have both grown.
There is always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And if you don’t have the rain, along with the sun – then a rainbow isn’t possible in the first place.
You know that you can get through the rubbish that life sometimes throws at you. Savour the delightful gifts that life brings you too – hold onto these moments with both hands – remember how those incredible moments felt. Because when things get trickier again, like they inevitably do – you know what happiness felt like – it will return to you sooner, rather than later.
Count your rainbows…not your thunderstorms….