A brand new relationship with someone is so exciting isn’t it? The long chats, the texts..the waiting for the texts, the dates, talking for hours, the anticipation – when will we see each other again? Songs play and they remind you of that person. Someone says something funny and you can’t wait to share that anecdote with your new beau…they will find that so funny!
Things move on – things are going well – and you know, this is the one. You exchange your declarations of love, and things progress – marriage – or moving in with each other – whichever your choice is.
When you actually start living with each other – there’s the honeymoon period. Choosing your furniture. Deciding on your decor. Showing your friends and family around. Look at what we’ve achieved! Look, we’re a real life grown up couple! And you’re both so excited! So happy that you come home to each other EVERYDAY!
But living together has its frustrations too. What is one if messier than the other? You never realised that before – and you find yourself loving them in spite of this! As you live together, you discover a few more foibles about your true love that you didn’t know before…but you love them all the same. Because the alternative – living without each other – is unbearable.
That’s when you actually know if you love someone or not – when they make mistakes, when they frustrate or anger you – do you still want to be with them? Falling in love is easy. Staying in love – takes work.
Do you know what really tests a relationship? Having children. Honestly – having children is either the best thing to happen to a couple…or quite possibly the worst. It’s obvious isn’t it? You know this before you embark upon that route – your life will never be the same again. But you don’t actually know this. Until they arrive. The problems you thought you had, pale into comparison when this tiny little creature takes over your life, your body, your home and your finances in a way that you never imagined. You have no freedom. Your life is dictated by that little life.
And so this continues for a few years. My daughters are still little. My eldest is fiercely independent and mature. My youngest, can be when she wants to. The love that my husband and I have for these two – there is nothing to describe it. Nothing.
Has having children affected our relationship? Yes. Most definitely it has.
We are closer now than we ever were. Now we are a team.
We don’t get to go out anywhere near as much as we would to, together. Do we regret it? Absolutely not! Most of the time, our lives revolve around routine. Work, pre-school daycare, school, evenings, sleep. It’s only when the girls go to sleep, and I’ve finished marking and doing my work, do we have some time together.
Sometimes we are too tired to share our anecdotes, or have forgotten them completely. We talk about things that are on our minds. Or try to remind each other of essential information about upcoming events or things that need to be done. Then ……once that has happened…we escape! We escape our reality by delving into another world, completely removed from our world. The wonderful world of television!
Remember – I’m a rambly writer. I often will start on a journey in a post – and you look at the title of the post, and you wonder – where is she going with this? Just enjoy the ride, I’m getting started now.
There are two people in charge of the TV and TV planner in our house. First, my husband, second of all, my eldest daughter. Both father and daughter look through the TV guide and record things that they would like to watch. I suppose I could get involved with this too – but I actually just don’t have the inclination.
A few months ago, my husband recorded ‘Roots’ on the planner. I just couldn’t bear the thought of watching it. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy viewing – and based on how stressful real life is, I couldn’t bear the thought of deliberately sitting down to watch something that I knew would hurt me deeply. So my husband used the trick that he always uses – putting something on the TV, whilst I am busy doing my work. This week just gone, he decided to watch ‘Roots’.
I’d heard a lot about the original series of ‘Roots’ and how legendary it was. When I heard that the same story had been remade but condensed, I was sceptical. Why remake something that is a classic? But I’m glad they – whoever ‘they’ are – did.
‘Roots’ follows the horrendous journey of Kunta Kinte, an African warrior, who was caught by slave traders, forcibly taken to America and sold into slavery. The cruelty and inhumanity that Kunta Kinte and the others endure is unspeakable. But I was glued. I had to find out what happened at the end.
There are no spoilers here. If you know even the slightest about American history, you know what happened.
Whilst watching, I knew exactly why this story had been retold – because we must never forget what happened. We must never forget the atrocities that occurred for over hundreds of years – whilst the world seemed to turn a blind eye.
My blog is called, ‘Why don’t we learn from the past?’ And whilst I was watching ‘Roots’, every fibre of my body was screaming, ‘Why haven’t things changed for black people across the world?’ In fact, we hear even more about the sexual slave trade that is rife in the world involving millions of young women, men and children. How is this still happening? How do we as humans, turn a blind eye to this horror and let it continue?
I hear on the news about young, black teenagers being shot by the police in the US. Now the hate is being spread, both here and in the US towards Muslim women and girls. A 17 year old girl was abducted, beaten and then killed – because she was Muslim. Her young, smiling face still haunts me.
Over the past few months, there have been some horrendous acts of terror in the UK – London, Manchester, what has been overwhelming for me – is that although the destruction is caused by a few. They have a devastating impact on the many. I was nowhere near the attacks – but I am always alert wherever I go now – where are the emergency exits? Do not stand too close to the each of a pavement. Look at the drivers – do they look like they are going to stop, where are they looking? What are they doing?
I don’t know how many people live on this planet of ours, but I know that there are more good people than evil – so why haven’t we learnt from the past? Why is slavery still rife? Why do people still treat others like possessions and commodities? Why do people commit atrocities in the name of religion – and end up killing more people of their own religion – and claim to be committing these evil acts in the name of that said religion?
Why hasn’t good managed to overcome evil yet? Why isn’t this world a safe place yet? We are so advanced in terms of technology and the ability to share information. Why are people all over the world still living in fear?
I know that some people reading this will tell me to ‘chill out’ and just enjoy life. But don’t we have a social responsibility to question what is happening in the world? To question when things aren’t right? There are no answers. I just pray that this world somehow does become a safer place to live. That happiness is spread and that evil is eradicated.
Meanwhile – everyone stay safe.