Thursday 20th October.
I came home early today. It was an amazing feeling. A lovely autumnal day, the sky was overcast, slightly cool but not unpleasant, rusty, dry leaves drifting gently along the pavements. Beautiful.
Excitedly, I parked up and went up to my front door, I could see the girls standing in the doorway through the glass panes, eager to tell me about the new addition to our family – a vibrant red male Betta fish, more commonly known as a Siamese fighting fish. I walked in, hugged the day away, and listened to them chatter about ‘Finn’ the new fish.
I’ll admit that I had felt slightly guilty about leaving earlier today – but listening to the girls talk about their day, and seeing their excitement made any feelings of guilt, melt away.
It was probably an hour later that we got a call on our house phone…a young mum who was a family friend had suddenly passed away. She had left behind, her 4 year old daughter and 2 month old baby boy. Even writing this now has made my blood run cold. When I heard the news – my heart broke. My heart just broke.
A young woman, in the prime of her life, with all of her life ahead of her – just gone. It’s strange because all I can think is that she may have left her body – but there’s no way that she has actually left her children. I can’t accept it – I refuse to believe it. When you think about how much a mother loves her child, there is no other love to compare it to. The love of a mother – both gentle – and yet ferocious. There is no other love that comes close. I hope I’m right. I hope that it’s just her body that has gone, and that she is still here, protecting her children, looking after them.
I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t help but think about her beautiful children. How there will be a massive hole in their lives forever – because she isn’t there anymore. The thought of her, is making me reach out to my loved ones that little bit more and hug them just a bit tighter and a little bit longer than normal.
The thought of her is making me think – WE CAN’T TAKE OUR TIME FOR GRANTED! We don’t know how long we are here for. We don’t know how much time we have. But I will say one thing – however long I have, I intend to spend the time in immense joy and happiness. I won’t let pettiness consume my time. Concentrate on the people and the things that I love. Love generously. Make the people around me feel loved.
If our lives can be snuffed out at any moment, like a candle – then perhaps we should do what candles do when they are lit – spread light and warmth wherever we go.
I intend to. I promise to. I will do my best to use my time well.
God bless the soul who has left us, and protect her children always. And give us the strength to live happily and wisely….Love always.